Fewer quotes make for better writing

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Tom Hallman of The Oregonian sets his scenes without a single quote.

He long ago found his voice and takes full advantage. Tom doesn't let the source control the story. Even when he quotes, he doesn't use quotation marks. And it works:

"Her coach asked Tara to come with her. It was important, she said, for a young nurse to see and feel death up close.

They slid the room's door open and walked to the isolette. Tara would never forget what she saw there. The child, wearing pajamas and wrapped in a blanket, looked as if he were sleeping.

Do you want to hold him? Tara's coach asked.

It would be good for you to hold him, the coach said. Babies feel different after they've died.

Tara sat in a rocking chair. The nurse lifted the baby out of the crib and placed him in her arms. His skin was cold. She began rocking and studied his face. His hair was reddish blond. He had no bruises, no marks. He looked exhausted. Tara would later remember thinking about how long and hard he'd fought for life.

The baby boy's nurse stepped back into the isolation room. Tara stood up and laid the child in his isolette and helped the nurse clean him. She walked out of the room, checked in with her coach, finished her paperwork and left Level 3 for home.

She drove in silence, the radio off."

Quote it? Maybe not.

We're always tempted to put lots of direct quotes in our stories. It doesn't help that some editors can't get enough of them.

But beware. Direct quotes should be saved for illumination or to punctuate a point. Every source speaks in the colloquial at some point. She'll tell a story, maybe draw a picture with words. That's when you use a direct quote.

I've seen writers liberally use direct quotes from the subject to write a profile. The quotes become cumbersome, and frankly, make for a boring story. Two thousand words of someone talking about every job they ever had is not going to keep the reader engaged. Use words in your literary arsenal to take control of the story; don't let the subject control the tale.

Just remember, "no comment" does not warrant a direct quote. "Get off my porch before I call the law" might.

You can write like a professional

One of my favorite writers is not a professional. Brett Hurt, the founder of Austin-based Bazaarvoice, recently wrote his bio with the help of Communications Manager Leigh Choate for a prestigious Austin Business Journal award. And yes, he won.

Brett admits it took hours for Choate and him to develop his application; the effort shows. Read on:

"His office is already a timeline of Christmas' past, from his very first computer encased in glass that he learned to program at the age of 7 (ingeniously preserved for the last 25 years in a Ziploc bag by his mother)..."

Brett and Leigh follow the first rule in good writing. Details, details, details. The Ziploc reference evokes the relationship between kid and mom, revealing a quick image of what the two mean to each other.

Another passage:

"Brett didn't learn to socialize until after college. As a kid, he was teased for his focus on computers -- he was an outsider and not involved in sports like most Austinites. At age 14 he weighed 100 pounds at 6'2''; after committing himself to bodybuilding, he was 200 pounds and 6'3'' just a few years later. People started to treat him differently."

Again, they draw a picture with words, setting the scene for the reader about Brett's later accomplishments -- which incidently centers on online communication.

Getting Your Press Release Noticed

Your church or organization wants to get attention from the local press. But where to start? Here are a few rules:

1) Don't send a press release twice a week. Choose your events carefully. An expansion of the building might get a mention, maybe even a story. The hiring of a new babysitter won't.

2) Target the right editor. If it's a business organization, it will go to the business editor. Even better, send it to the listings compiler. Newspapers will usually have that employee's contact information online or in the print version. So, know your targeted news agency. Scout listings may go in the local section, while churches and schools may be covered in the lifestyles sections.

3) Non-profit radio and TV stations are great ways to get your press release or PSA (Public Service Announcement) noticed. They frequently have time blocked for announcing PSAs.

4) No flowery language allowed. Cut out the "greatest church in town" verbage and get to the point. What is happening? When? Who is invited? Yes, the five "Ws."

5) You absolutely must include contact information for publication, or at least so the news agency can confirm your credibility.

Laura Mohammad, a Texas-based writer, is available to produce press releases.

Profile Writing -- Setting the Scene

If you want good color in your writing, you have to see it.

The easy way is to take the subject out of her office and into an environment that makes her most comfortable.

Two years ago, I interviewed and wrote about an Austin-based entrepreneur who collects Porsches. We met in his office, talked for about an hour, then guess what? I asked for a ride. He asked me what the Porsche ride had to do with the story; I told him it would be my lede. He told me more personal stuff in that 20-minute ride than the hour in his office. And I had visuals of him at home...the details of the car, the places where he likes to drive most, what he looks like behind the wheel. Does he take off his jacket? Does he keep one hand on the stick shift?

One of the easiest stories I've ever written.

Profile Writing -- The Conversation

Behind every great profile there was a great conversation.

Want to write a living, breathing piece? Follow these rules:

1) Do your research, even if it's just a Google search.

2) Talk about the weather. Open the interview with small talk...It will naturally lead you to your first question. But be warned -- some people don't do small talk. Be ready for that and adjust.

3) Never, ever ask the tough stuff right away. I usually tell the subject that we are going to start with "housekeeping"(age, preferred published name, etc.), and then we'll get to the "fun stuff." Just ask a few housekeeping questions, though: Their time is precious, and the rest will come naturally. You're just trying to warm them up -- and get a couple of things out of the way.

4) Let the interview be a conversation. I interviewed a new headmaster today and we started talking about her kids, when they were born, names. She mentioned in passing that she had been pregnant before. So, I let her go in that direction. It turned out that she lost a 3-week-old baby before she had her two children who are alive. So I asked her: How do you parent differently because you lost a child? That's a priceless question that I wouldn't have had in my arsenal if I hadn't let her take the lead.

5)The tough stuff. About a year ago, I profiled a controversial politician who had riled entire factions. I let her lead for about 45 minutes of a 90-minute interview. Then I asked: "You've had some interesting times in your career, and I want to give you a chance to address them..." And I took her point-by-point through some of the bigger happenings. If I had started the interview with those questions, there would have been no interview.

6) Make clear that you will need to follow up with them after you've finished reporting. Invariably something will be said that needs to be addressed.

If you connected with your subject, the auxiliary sources will connect, too. They call each other, you know.

Take the "I" out of your cover letter

There is a simple tool for writing a better cover letter: Take the "I" out of the beginning of your sentences.

We have a tendency to start each paragraph and sentence with "I." Resist the temptation. It is visually jarring, and it reveals a lack of mastery of the English language.

How do you do this when you are writing about yourself? Here are three sure-proof ways:

1) Write first, then go back and edit later. Get your main strengths on paper; nothing is in stone until you send it.

2) Once you've written your draft, look for ways to start your sentences with phrases that highlight your talents. For example: "Having written and edited since 1985, I offer my clients crisp, engaging words."

3) Take "I" completely out of the sentence when possible. "Edits are accepted cheerfully and professionally."

These three rules will improve your chances of getting noticed. Without realizing it, employers will have a better reading experience.