Redundant Words: Still, Currently, Really

Three words have come across my laptop that beg discussion: still, currently and really.

Every once in a while, they are needed -- but rarely. Usually, the previous sentence makes it clear that your topic is current. Also, the tense of your verb alerts the reader.

"John is currently in the process of finding a job." Actually, you don't even need "in the process." Just say: "John searches for a job."

In the same way, "still" is usually redundant.

"John still searches for a job." An exception would be: "John has interviewed with 10 companies. Still, he searches for a job." "Still" is used for emphasis in this case, and builds on the previous sentence.

On "really." Not: "John was really happy to find a job." Instead: "John was ecstatic to find a job." Tighten your sentence with a descriptive verb.

Watch for these words. Do you need them?

Commas

Where do you put the darn things?

Commas are slippery little suckers. They sneak into your sentences uninvited and hide on your keyboard when you need them most.

Why should you care? Because a misplaced comma can change the meaning of your sentence. It can make your words incomprehensible. And it can make you look like an amateur.

Simple rule: If you pause when reading a sentence out loud, it likely needs a comma.

"I wanted to play the piano, but I didn't have any sheet music." Try saying that without pausing. Can't, can you?

Now, do the opposite. Try to pause in a place where you instinctively know you shouldn't.

"That old movie house holds a special place, in my heart." If you're Bob Dylan, you can get away with that comma. But you're not. So don't do it.

Five Words To Avoid

For tighter, brighter copy, look for redundancy. Losing these words brings you closer to that goal.

1) Being. This word encourages an inactive voice. "Being a happy man, John loved flowers, sunshine and cute puppies." This sentence can survive without the word "being."

2) Is. You've heard it, you know it, but you can't stay away from that darn word. With a little restructuring, you can create a sharper sentence. "John is happy to be alive. He relishes fine wine and kite flying" becomes: "Happy to be alive, John relishes..."

3) Very. Do you really need it? "John incorporated some very basic rules toward living a better life." Does it change the sentence to take "very" out?

4) Some. See above.

5) Of. "John Smith of Austin was full of life. Try this: "Austin's John Smith was full of life."

How to write a winning grant proposal

Your community group has asked you to write a grant proposal and you don't know where to start. Here are four steps toward landing a grant:

1) Don't find a grant, then create a project. Do it the other way around. Grantors can see through this. It rings more true and fits your general mission if you already have a clear goal. Also, try local grantors first. They love to help their immediate community: It looks good on their website. Locally-based corporations are always a great option.

2) Read the the grant's purpose and rules carefully. There is no point in applying for a grant -- and getting the group's hopes up -- if you are sure to fail. Keep in mind that some grantors don't want to pay salaries or fund ongoing projects; they like to pay for or give stuff.

3) You have a project, you've found a grant and you've read the instructions. It's time to research. Make sure you are clear about the mechanics of achieving your goals. Interview the people who will be facilitating the process. Identify what materials and training your group already has in place.

4) Writing. Now is not the time for flowery language. Write in clear, concise and detailed words the goal of the project, how success will be measured, and its impact on the group or community. Describe existing materials and training that will help ensure success. Be sure and tie the project to the group's general mission.

Write a winning grant proposal

Your community group asks you to write a grant proposal, and you don't know where to start. Here are four important steps to landing a grant:

1)Don't find the grant then find a project. Do it the other way around. If you have clear project goals for the group, you have a better shot of winning the grant. You don't run the risk of taking the group off into a track outside of its realm. Also, grantors can see through this tactic. They can tell if you are inexperienced in a particular discipline or if it doesn't fit your general mission.

2) Read the rules and instructions carefully. Make sure your project fits within the confines of the grantor's guidelines. Otherwise, you get the group's hopes up and waste a lot of time. Sometimes grantors don't like to pay salaries or for ongoing projects. They sometimes want to want to give you stuff. Keep that in mind.

3) OK. You've found the grant, you've read the rules, now it's time to apply. Research is necessary to a successful application. Make sure you are clear about the the specifics of the project and what materials are needed to succeed.

4) Writing. Now is not the time to write flowery language. Pack the application with details. Be specific about the goals and intended outcome. Talk about existing resources: It shows commitment to the project. Finally, what is the impact of the project? Will it help people with cognitive disabilities learn new skills? Will it teach children necessary computer techniques in today's learning environment?

Writing for the reader

Some poets say they write for themselves. I believe them.

There are authors who are so incomprehensible, so out of reach in their text that we mortals put it down after the first line. Maybe Sylvia Plath could get away with it -- apparently she did -- but the rest of us can't.

Whether you are writing a business letter or a magazine article, the first rule is: Know your audience. Are they knowledgeable about your topic? Will they understand the terminology of your content? If you aren't sure, stop and explain.

You don't impress by using inside terminology -- you just run the risk of being elitist. What do you mean when you say you're a strategist? That you command over wars? Just say it the way you would to someone on the elevator -- yes, the elevator pitch. "I'm a corporate strategist," means nothing. "I consult corporations on how they can make better profits," works.

Fewer quotes make for better writing

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Tom Hallman of The Oregonian sets his scenes without a single quote.

He long ago found his voice and takes full advantage. Tom doesn't let the source control the story. Even when he quotes, he doesn't use quotation marks. And it works:

"Her coach asked Tara to come with her. It was important, she said, for a young nurse to see and feel death up close.

They slid the room's door open and walked to the isolette. Tara would never forget what she saw there. The child, wearing pajamas and wrapped in a blanket, looked as if he were sleeping.

Do you want to hold him? Tara's coach asked.

It would be good for you to hold him, the coach said. Babies feel different after they've died.

Tara sat in a rocking chair. The nurse lifted the baby out of the crib and placed him in her arms. His skin was cold. She began rocking and studied his face. His hair was reddish blond. He had no bruises, no marks. He looked exhausted. Tara would later remember thinking about how long and hard he'd fought for life.

The baby boy's nurse stepped back into the isolation room. Tara stood up and laid the child in his isolette and helped the nurse clean him. She walked out of the room, checked in with her coach, finished her paperwork and left Level 3 for home.

She drove in silence, the radio off."

Quote it? Maybe not.

We're always tempted to put lots of direct quotes in our stories. It doesn't help that some editors can't get enough of them.

But beware. Direct quotes should be saved for illumination or to punctuate a point. Every source speaks in the colloquial at some point. She'll tell a story, maybe draw a picture with words. That's when you use a direct quote.

I've seen writers liberally use direct quotes from the subject to write a profile. The quotes become cumbersome, and frankly, make for a boring story. Two thousand words of someone talking about every job they ever had is not going to keep the reader engaged. Use words in your literary arsenal to take control of the story; don't let the subject control the tale.

Just remember, "no comment" does not warrant a direct quote. "Get off my porch before I call the law" might.

You can write like a professional

One of my favorite writers is not a professional. Brett Hurt, the founder of Austin-based Bazaarvoice, recently wrote his bio with the help of Communications Manager Leigh Choate for a prestigious Austin Business Journal award. And yes, he won.

Brett admits it took hours for Choate and him to develop his application; the effort shows. Read on:

"His office is already a timeline of Christmas' past, from his very first computer encased in glass that he learned to program at the age of 7 (ingeniously preserved for the last 25 years in a Ziploc bag by his mother)..."

Brett and Leigh follow the first rule in good writing. Details, details, details. The Ziploc reference evokes the relationship between kid and mom, revealing a quick image of what the two mean to each other.

Another passage:

"Brett didn't learn to socialize until after college. As a kid, he was teased for his focus on computers -- he was an outsider and not involved in sports like most Austinites. At age 14 he weighed 100 pounds at 6'2''; after committing himself to bodybuilding, he was 200 pounds and 6'3'' just a few years later. People started to treat him differently."

Again, they draw a picture with words, setting the scene for the reader about Brett's later accomplishments -- which incidently centers on online communication.

Getting Your Press Release Noticed

Your church or organization wants to get attention from the local press. But where to start? Here are a few rules:

1) Don't send a press release twice a week. Choose your events carefully. An expansion of the building might get a mention, maybe even a story. The hiring of a new babysitter won't.

2) Target the right editor. If it's a business organization, it will go to the business editor. Even better, send it to the listings compiler. Newspapers will usually have that employee's contact information online or in the print version. So, know your targeted news agency. Scout listings may go in the local section, while churches and schools may be covered in the lifestyles sections.

3) Non-profit radio and TV stations are great ways to get your press release or PSA (Public Service Announcement) noticed. They frequently have time blocked for announcing PSAs.

4) No flowery language allowed. Cut out the "greatest church in town" verbage and get to the point. What is happening? When? Who is invited? Yes, the five "Ws."

5) You absolutely must include contact information for publication, or at least so the news agency can confirm your credibility.

Laura Mohammad, a Texas-based writer, is available to produce press releases.

Profile Writing -- Setting the Scene

If you want good color in your writing, you have to see it.

The easy way is to take the subject out of her office and into an environment that makes her most comfortable.

Two years ago, I interviewed and wrote about an Austin-based entrepreneur who collects Porsches. We met in his office, talked for about an hour, then guess what? I asked for a ride. He asked me what the Porsche ride had to do with the story; I told him it would be my lede. He told me more personal stuff in that 20-minute ride than the hour in his office. And I had visuals of him at home...the details of the car, the places where he likes to drive most, what he looks like behind the wheel. Does he take off his jacket? Does he keep one hand on the stick shift?

One of the easiest stories I've ever written.

Profile Writing -- The Conversation

Behind every great profile there was a great conversation.

Want to write a living, breathing piece? Follow these rules:

1) Do your research, even if it's just a Google search.

2) Talk about the weather. Open the interview with small talk...It will naturally lead you to your first question. But be warned -- some people don't do small talk. Be ready for that and adjust.

3) Never, ever ask the tough stuff right away. I usually tell the subject that we are going to start with "housekeeping"(age, preferred published name, etc.), and then we'll get to the "fun stuff." Just ask a few housekeeping questions, though: Their time is precious, and the rest will come naturally. You're just trying to warm them up -- and get a couple of things out of the way.

4) Let the interview be a conversation. I interviewed a new headmaster today and we started talking about her kids, when they were born, names. She mentioned in passing that she had been pregnant before. So, I let her go in that direction. It turned out that she lost a 3-week-old baby before she had her two children who are alive. So I asked her: How do you parent differently because you lost a child? That's a priceless question that I wouldn't have had in my arsenal if I hadn't let her take the lead.

5)The tough stuff. About a year ago, I profiled a controversial politician who had riled entire factions. I let her lead for about 45 minutes of a 90-minute interview. Then I asked: "You've had some interesting times in your career, and I want to give you a chance to address them..." And I took her point-by-point through some of the bigger happenings. If I had started the interview with those questions, there would have been no interview.

6) Make clear that you will need to follow up with them after you've finished reporting. Invariably something will be said that needs to be addressed.

If you connected with your subject, the auxiliary sources will connect, too. They call each other, you know.

Take the "I" out of your cover letter

There is a simple tool for writing a better cover letter: Take the "I" out of the beginning of your sentences.

We have a tendency to start each paragraph and sentence with "I." Resist the temptation. It is visually jarring, and it reveals a lack of mastery of the English language.

How do you do this when you are writing about yourself? Here are three sure-proof ways:

1) Write first, then go back and edit later. Get your main strengths on paper; nothing is in stone until you send it.

2) Once you've written your draft, look for ways to start your sentences with phrases that highlight your talents. For example: "Having written and edited since 1985, I offer my clients crisp, engaging words."

3) Take "I" completely out of the sentence when possible. "Edits are accepted cheerfully and professionally."

These three rules will improve your chances of getting noticed. Without realizing it, employers will have a better reading experience.

How to write a good query

When you don't have ties to a magazine, a good query may be the only way to get your E-foot in the door. The composition of your query should tell the editor who you are, how you write and your story idea.

I prefer to lead the query with a sample lede, or beginning of the potential story. It needs to be a wow! sentence or two, and short and clipped are best. Don't drag things out. If you have an amazing statistic that shows that gays and lesbians have a higher incidence of getting into media-related fields, for example, that might be your lede. Or you may have a particularly compelling source's story to start off your tale.

After you're done with the lead-in, write a quick paragraph about your rate of accuracy, your talent for working independently (no hand-holding) and your ability to deliver copy on time. These are three of editors' biggest sticking points.

Finish off with your experience in the subject or the field -- or your experience as a writer. Don't go on and on. A couple of sentences will suffice.

The query letter needs to be a snapshot of what you can and will do, so the shorter the better. Remember, the editor doesn't know you from Adam's house cat, so you're not going to get a lot of time.

Why a good query is your friend

If you want to get into magazine writing, a good query is your friend.

A query is a story proposal; a good query is tight and lively, giving the editor a glimpse into the kind of writing he or she can expect from you.

Needless to say, do your research. Know the magazine's writing style and choice in stories, and make sure you are familiar with their recent articles. There isn't much point in proposing a story idea that was done two months ago. And it makes you look a little silly.

Another must in preparation for writing a good query: Make sure you can deliver the story. Don't promise an angle that may not exist. Do a little research before sending off your letter/email.

Finally, make sure you know who to send the query to. You want the assigning editor -- not the copy editor and not the publisher. Calling the magazine is one easy way to get this information, but many magazines have the information online these days. Just poke around a little before shipping that email.

Colons

Not sure what to do with that key to the right of "l?"

Colons and semicolons trip up the best of writers. Other than the better known uses of a colon (dates, salutations, scriptures), there are basically three reasons for typing this underused form of punctuation:

Making a list. "John went to the store. He bought a number of items: eggs, bread and milk."
Amplification of a thought. "Janet felt strongly that a list was needed: Forgetting items was a specialty of John's." Another use (for headlines or titles): "Shopping: How to do it better."
Quote. Peter said: "Don't forget the cat food."

A personal preference: In general, when a clause that can qualify as a sentence follows the colon, make it upper case. When it is a phrase or list, make it lower case. However, you will sometimes see independent clauses lower case after a colon. And, of course, in a book title, the subtitle will usually be upper case.

Read it out loud

My sixth-grade son, George, has a terrible time with run-on sentences. I am teaching him the simplest tool available for catching the commas, semi-colons and periods -- read it out loud.

Every time George takes a breath while reading, I tell him to stop. What punctuation is needed there? Because that's what punctuation is...a breath when we speak. For now, we are sticking with the simple stuff. But, as he advances in his writing, he will learn to take advantage of dashes and ellipses.

And this tool is not just for middle-schoolers. When I was a newsroom editor, I would have the reporters read their copy out loud. It is a great way to catch typos and check for clarity. Remember this: If it doesn't sound right when you speak it, you need to change it.

The power of the spoken word

Remember when your sixth-grade English teacher told you not to start a sentence with "and?" She didn't know what she was talking about.

The spoken word came first. If we say it, we can write it. That's why it's "an hour," not "a hour." "A hour" is hard to say. So we don't say it. Therefore, we don't write it.

But that's with a caveat. If you want the reader to respect you, you have to follow some basic grammatical rules. And when you break a rule, make sure you know it and why. (See? I just started a sentence with "and." Now, that wasn't so painful, was it?)

My favorite sources own their language. They sometimes don't speak in complete sentences; they may not even follow grammatical rules; and they paint with their words. Below is an exchange I witnessed between Todd Staples, Texas' agriculture commissioner, and his dad, Cecil. Notice how you gain a window into the father's personality and the men's relationship:

A pond teems with bass and Todd reminisces about camping out here with his siblings. His parents still live in the house where he grew up, and the cattle low nearby.

“That’s a registered Angus,” Cecil says at one point, on a drive through the ranch. “He’s a pretty bull.”

What makes a pretty bull?

“Well, we don’t call bulls pretty,” says Todd.

“I do,” says the dad.

There’s no arguing with Cecil Staples. Well, there’s arguing. But, you’ll probably lose.

“He does all the talking, I do all the listening,” Todd jokes.

“It’s all right to disagree,” says Cecil. But: “I’m going to make a point.”

If you let the spoken word tell the tale, a lot of your work is done for you, whether it is in your voice or in another's voice.

Later this week, I'll talk about the easiest way to catch grammatical errors and sentence fragments. Guess what? It involves the spoken word.